When Kathryn Hahn first moved to LA to become an actor, she started auditioning but quickly became disillusioned.

"When I started to see the roles that were available to me, what I was being seen for, I definitely thought ... 'This is just such a small part of me that's being seen. I wish somebody could see more of what I can offer,'" Hahn says.

It wasn't until Hahn was in her late 30s and 40s that she finally began landing the roles she craved, playing complex women in TV series like Transparent and Parks and Recreation, and movies like Bad Moms and Private Life. Hahn notes that most of these roles have been with female directors and producers.

"The most complicated and messy roles I've been able to get have been offered through women," she says. "I'm just so buoyed and galvanized that the juiciest part of [my career] has been post-kids. ... I never anticipated that. So that's terribly exciting."

Hahn is currently starring in the HBO series Mrs. Fletcher. The show, which is based Tom Perrotta's bestselling novel, centers on a divorced woman who has a confusing sexual reawakening after her son leaves home for college.

"We were surrounded by an incredible group of women directors and writers and we had this amazing intimacy coordinator," Hahn says of her work on Mrs. Fletcher. "That was what made it attractive to me. It was finding a woman in her complete privacy of finding pleasure for just herself."

On working with an intimacy coordinator ahead of the sex scenes in Mrs. Fletcher

I'd never worked with [an intimacy coordinator] before, and I was a little hesitant at first, to be frank, because I thought it was going to be [another] voice in the way, in between the director and the actor ... and it was not that at all. Our intimacy coordinator, Claire Warden, what she did was she would take all of us anyone that was performing in the scene and the director she would have conversations with us ... would make sure that we were aware of what was on the page.

This is above and beyond the nudity riders or whatever that would have already been signed, but she would take us all and make sure that we were aware of what was on the page to be filmed, make sure that we were all OK with that, walk us through the steps, make sure that our boundaries our personal boundaries were in place for what we were comfortable with ... so that when we walked in together, we all knew that each other's needs and requests and concerns were heard. And then you could just get to the business of the scene so much quicker.

On wanting to be an actor from an early age

I loved the ensemble. I loved the feeling after. I loved the feeling right before as awful as it was. ... I loved the feeling of being on stage ... in communion with the audience, I just loved that feeling. ... Even at very young age, I loved the feeling of something, like, heightened and holy that's what it felt like.

On bad auditions earlier in her career

In my last semester at Yale, I would take the train in to 30 Rock. There was a Banana Republic at the base of 30 Rock. I would go into the Banana Republic. I would buy a suit, go up, audition for a pilot, go down, return the suit at Banana Republic ... and promptly get on the train and never get the gigs. ...

I had a really bad Woody Allen audition that was just awful, horrible for a play ... and I remember someone telling me that he wasn't going to look up and laugh. ... [It] was a long time ago, but I remember auditioning and it was true: He did not laugh at all. And not only did he not laugh, but he looked up when I just botched a joke so badly. It was awful. ...

The Coen Brothers. That was a heartbreaker. ... It was for A Serious Man ... and I was way gung-ho. ... I brought in a bag of props. It was too much. It was just way too much for the space and they were very polite and very kind. And I did not get the part.

On having kids in her mid 30s and being nervous about how it would affect her career

I'll never forget when I found out I got pregnant, I was on my way to work and I was, of course, thrilled, but I went to a Starbucks and I got a latte and I said, "Oh, I guess you better make a decaf," and I burst [out] in hysterical tears. ... I was on my way to a night shoot for a television show. ... I felt so young and old at the same time. You're never ready. I was so grateful, but ... as an actor, you're like, is this really gonna change [my career]? It was all so much. ...

We had had so much time solo. We'd lived in New York forever in our little studio. There was so much history behind us. ... Neither of us were anywhere near where we wanted to be creatively. ... I wish I could have looked back and told that 35-year-old crying in Starbucks, "You have no idea how exciting it's going to be on the other side!"

On the roles that she hopes to land when she's in her 50s

I hope that we keep exploring whatever these chapters are. I just hope that we keep lifting whatever invisibility shield is on all these chapters of just being a woman, like lifting the shame ... and just keep exploring it, because clearly there's so many, so many, so many more stories to be told and looked at with hopefully this degree of nuance, and clarity, and humanity, and complication and all of it. There are so many more stories to be told.

Ann Marie Baldonado and Mooj Zadie produced and edited the audio of this interview. Bridget Bentz, Molly Seavy-Nesper and Patrick Jarenwattananon adapted it for the Web.

TERRY GROSS, HOST:

This is FRESH AIR. I'm Terry Gross. My guest, Kathryn Hahn, stars in the new HBO series "Mrs. Fletcher," which is adapted from the bestselling novel by Tom Perrotta, who created the series. Hahn is known for her roles in the TV series "Transparent" as Rabbi Raquel and in "Parks And Recreation" as Jennifer Barkley, an aggressive political operative. Hahn starred in the films "Bad Moms" and "Private Life."

In "Mrs. Fletcher," Hahn plays Eve Fletcher, a divorced mother of a teenage son. In the first episode, she drives him to college and becomes an empty nester. Just before the trip, after gassing up the car, she goes to his bedroom where he's been sleeping off a hangover - and a shock to hear from behind the closed door that he's having sex with a girl, and he's giving her crude, derogatory sexual commands and calling her the B-word and a slut. On the drive to college, she tries to talk with him about how not to treat women.

(SOUNDBITE OF TV SHOW, "MRS. FLETCHER")

KATHRYN HAHN: (As Eve Fletcher) I guess what I'm trying to say is I think - there are things that you might say to a girl that could scare her without you even realizing it. I mean, look. I know you're not a virgin, right? You know, and I know there's porn in movies and, you know, all these songs about hos and b******. And, you know, that's - you know, that's what it is. So I guess that what I'm trying to say is I think one of the most important things for you to always remember, especially now, you know, in this day and age and in life, really, is that - you have to be nice to women. Do you understand what I'm saying?

JACKSON WHITE: (As Brendan Fletcher) Yeah.

HAHN: (As Eve Fletcher) All right.

GROSS: After dropping off her son, Eve returns alone to a big empty house. Kind of by accident, she finds porn on the Internet, including lesbian porn, and is surprised by how arousing it is. The series alternates between her story and her son's story. He's unprepared for social life in college, where women students he's meeting demand respect and are serious about consent and no meaning no.

Kathryn Hahn, welcome to FRESH AIR. Did you spend a lot of time thinking about how a woman like Eve would raise - could end up having a teenage son who's such a bro, beer-drinking, ogling girls kind of guy, treating them as sex objects. You know, just try to think, like, how does that happen when she's - when the mother is like nothing like that?

HAHN: Yes. I mean, I think it's despite her best, deepest intentions. I mean, I - you know, there's - not to put it all on this divorce that she went through - but he didn't have the greatest examples - male examples. And I think that in a time in which he could have had a lot more attention in terms of, like, his sexual development, he went right to the Internet. And I think she kind of lost him or lost that connection along the way, despite her best intention. I think the harder she went towards him, the more it pushed him away. And that was heartbreaking to me.

I think a lot of people can find that, unfortunately, really relatable. I mean, she really - that's like her worst nightmare. Of course, she doesn't think he's a horrible person. But she can also kind of see it. It's just, like, layers of denial.

GROSS: So Eve Fletcher, your character, is having a very exciting solo sex life (laughter) - her and the Internet.

HAHN: Finally.

GROSS: And she isn't really sure if and how she should extend that solo sexual life with Internet porn into the real world, and if she does - because she's finding this porn, and especially this lesbian porn, very arousing.

HAHN: Mmm hmm.

GROSS: And how did you prepare for that part of the role? Did you feel like, well, it was your responsibility to watch a lot of porn...

HAHN: (Laughter) Terry...

GROSS: ...To get into character?

HAHN: I didn't feel like I had to watch a lot of porn. The porn, for her, was almost kind of like this Gandalf (laughter) for her kind of discovery. It's the most private, taboo thing - the most reckless kind of leap that she could possibly take and also, the most deeply, deeply private. And the avenues that she was - what she was able to see in that, you know, the glow of that computer screen.

So it wasn't about anything salacious or to show anything for anyone else's pleasure. It was for her own. And so that was a beautiful thing and a challenge to try to find is this woman in her completely private bubble. And we were surrounded by an incredible group of women directors and writers. And we had this amazing intimacy coordinator. That was what made it attractive to me. It was finding a woman in her complete privacy.

GROSS: What does an intimacy coordinator do on set?

HAHN: Well, that's interesting, Terry, because I'd never worked with one before. And I was a little hesitant at first, to be frank, because I thought it was going to be a voice in the way, in between the director and the actor, like another voice. And it was not that at all.

Our intimacy coordinator Claire Warden - what she did was she would take all of us - anyone that was performing in the scene and the director - she would have conversations with us on the eve of - no pun intended - but on the eve of whatever the scene was - and would make sure that we were aware of the - what was on the page. This is above and beyond, like, the nudity writers or whatever that we - that would have already been signed.

But she would take us all and make sure that we were aware of what was on the page to be filmed, make sure that we were all OK with that, walk us through the steps, make sure that our boundaries - our personal boundaries were in place for what we were comfortable with. And then she would be able to - so that when we walked in together, that we all knew that each other's needs and requests and concerns were heard. And then you could just get to the business of the scene so much quicker.

GROSS: Is the crew in on this discussion too or just the actors?

HAHN: What she - they're not in on those discussions, but what she will do is she will just make sure that the monitors are closed, that it's the fewest amount of people in the. Or she will ask us what - who we want in the room and make sure that it's just that amount of people, depending on what the scene is.

GROSS: So I don't know, it seems to me - and I don't know if you'd agree with this - that you're kind of part of the first generation of women who came of age with women screenwriters and directors - and, I mean, more than one or two, that you had a cohort. And you've worked with some of them. I mean, you've worked with Nicole Holofcener, Tamara Jenkins, to name a few. And I'm wondering if you agree with that, that you're part of the generation - one of the first...

HAHN: God...

GROSS: ...Or maybe the first that had a cohort of women writers and directors.

HAHN: Oh, God. I mean, that sounds terribly thrilling. I think I do feel like the most - that the most satisfying work I've done has been with women for sure, that the most complicated and messy roles I've been able to get have been offered through women. And it's not lost on me that it's, like, the most fertile chapter of my life has been with these women.

And it also is terribly exciting to me that it's older women - you know what I mean? - that it's not just women that are - you know, when I was a young actor, I thought that having kids would be - I was terrified to have kids. And it's...

GROSS: You thought it would end your career?

HAHN: Or - yeah, yes. Or change it, or I'd be stopped being seen or whatever. That - I'm just so buoyed and galvanized that the juiciest part of it has been post-kids. And not that that is even a choice for everybody. No one even has to have children. But it's just - it's - I think it's more of an age thing, that it can - it's the most satisfying. It's like, post-40 is just - I never anticipated that. So that's terribly exciting.

GROSS: So you're 46 now.

HAHN: Yeah.

GROSS: And some of the roles you've been getting in your 40s are about women dealing with fertility issues.

HAHN: Yes.

GROSS: So I want to play an example of one of those films. And this is "Private Life," which was written and directed by Tamara Jenkins. And you play - you and Paul Giamatti play a married couple who've been trying for years to conceive. And you've tried, like, every kind of fertility treatment. And finally, your doctor says to you you should try an egg donor because none of these fertility treatments are really working for you.

And so in this scene, you've just left the office after getting that message from the doctor. And that is about the last thing that you want to hear. You do not want to use an egg donor. And you and your husband, played by Paul Giamatti, are having a quarrel about that. You speak first.

(SOUNDBITE OF FILM, "PRIVATE LIFE")

HAHN: (As Rachel) We talked about this. We swore we would never do it.

PAUL GIAMATTI: (As Richard) No. You swore that you would never do it. I - (laughter) I kept my mouth shut because I didn't want to pressure you into something that you were going to have to live with for the rest of your life.

HAHN: (As Rachel) Wait. So all this time that I'm assuming that we feel the same way about this, you've been having secret fantasies about egg donation?

GIAMATTI: (As Richard) It's not a secret fantasy.

HAHN: (As Rachel) It is to me. I didn't know about it. I thought that we had decided together as a couple that we would definitely draw the line at science fiction.

GIAMATTI: (As Richard) It's not science fiction, Rach (ph). It's pretty primitive, actually. They do it with farm animals all the time.

HAHN: (As Rachel) Well, I'm not a goat, OK?

GIAMATTI: (As Richard) Bad example. I'm sorry.

HAHN: (As Rachel) Oh, my God. You're, like, so gung-ho right now. It's like - it's freaking me out.

GIAMATTI: (As Richard) I am not gung-ho. I'm just pragmatic. Look, if we do another IVF with your eggs, we've got - what? - a 4% chance of getting pregnant? With a donor egg, we'd be going from four to, like, 65%. So I'm - the gambler in me just wants to put my money on the better odds.

HAHN: (As Rachel) Oh, my God. You're Guy Woodhouse.

GIAMATTI: (As Richard) What?

HAHN: (As Rachel) The husband in "Rosemary's Baby," John Cassavetes. That's you.

GIAMATTI: (As Richard) Yeah, right. That - that's me, standing by while you're raped by a satanic demon. I am just suggesting that we listen to our doctor and look into all the options. We're already signed up for adoption. What is the big deal?

HAHN: (As Rachel) Well, for one, I'm not putting someone else's body parts into my uterus. Excuse me.

UNIDENTIFIED ACTOR: (As character) Excuse me. Sorry.

GIAMATTI: (As Richard) I know it's more complicated for you.

HAHN: (As Rachel) Is it more complicated for you too?

GIAMATTI: (As Richard) Yes, of course it is. Yes. Yes. But you heard him. There's a lot of positives. You would get to carry the baby.

HAHN: (As Rachel) Oh, whoop-de-do. What does that make me, the bellhop?

GROSS: That's Kathryn Hahn...

HAHN: (Laughter).

GROSS: ...And Paul Giamatti in a scene from "Private Life." So when you were in your 20s and wanting to act, did you think that when you were in your 40s, there would be roles like this of - you know, of women in their 30s or early 40s dealing with fertility issues in a way that so many women could relate to?

HAHN: No.

GROSS: Because so many actresses have thought, like, once you reach your 30s, or certainly by 40, your good roles are behind you.

HAHN: Exactly. No, I did not. I had no - you know, Terry, like, I - it's funny because I never thought of myself doing anything else with my life. I had no idea of what it would look like or how it would unfold, of course. Like, I never had any kind of grandiose, like, dreams of success or - yeah, I just knew - there was, like, never a question that I wasn't going to be an actor.

When I got to LA, when I started to see the roles that were available to me on what I was being seen for, I definitely thought - I knew that there was something, which I'm sure it - all actors have, is, like, you think, oh, I wish - this is just such a small part of me that's being seen. I wish somebody could see more of what I can offer. Like, no one is giving me this opportunity. Like, I just - it's, like, genetics or whatever. Like, no one is seeing the all of me.

And so I really didn't - I thought that it would have to take me to get back to the theater. I just wanted to get back to New York. Like, I just didn't feel at home out here, like - or in LA. Like, I just never thought that those roles would start to happen. So again, it has been a real crazy turn of events for me that this has even been able to happen.

GROSS: How old were you when you had your first child? And I'm wondering if, in your mind, there was an age that you thought would be, like, the right age, the best age, to have a child.

HAHN: I was, I think, 35, 30 - almost I think, like, 30 - maybe 35 when I got pregnant, I think, maybe 36 when I had him. And it took a second for us to get pregnant. It was definitely not as easy as we thought. And we - I was called a geriatric mother. I'll never forget that.

GROSS: By your doctor.

HAHN: Yes (laughter).

GROSS: Because you were considered at risk.

HAHN: Yeah, yeah, because I was over 35 and because I was a - yeah, over 35. And I'll never forget, when I found out I got pregnant, though, I was on my way to work. And I was, of course, thrilled. And I - but I was - I went to a Starbucks, and I got a latte. And I said, oh, I guess you better make it decaf. And I burst in hysterical tears.

GROSS: Why were you crying?

HAHN: (Laughter) Because it was just - I was on my way to, like, a night shoot for a show, a television show I was on. Like, it's all - my whole world, like - also, you just never - it was all just - I was - I felt so young and old at the same time. It - I - you know, you're never ready. I - it was like I was so grateful, but I was also, like, you know, an actor. And you're like, is this really going to change? Like, what's - it was all so much.

I'm so glad that we did it when we did. We have now two kids, and they're 10 and 13. And I just want to sob thinking about how fast it's going, Terry. I can't handle it. It's just too much. I mean, I cried when his umbilical cord fell off. I don't know what I'm going to do when he goes away to college.

But we were definitely ready when we - we had been together a really long time. And we were ready when we had him. But still, we were the youngest of our friends. Like, we were the first ones of any of our group, which is interesting, and we were, like, 35.

GROSS: Was part of your ambivalence when you finally got pregnant based on the fact that your body is part of your equipment when you're acting?

See more here:
Actor Kathryn Hahn Says The Best Part Of Her Career Came Post-Kids - WJCT NEWS

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